I learned how to grow old from a woman who never got the chance. My friend Susan Spencer-Wendel was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, in 2011, when she was 44. She had three children, ages 14 to 8, and she would not live to see them graduate from high school.
Ingram & Associates Counseling & Consulting in Royal Palm Beach has been named to the winning list of Nextdoor’s 2023 Neighborhood Faves, the only annual awards where neighbors vote to celebrate their favorite local businesses.
I am writing this to let you know that I will be working to recover from codependency over the next 6 months. Not only am I fully aware that I am a codependent; I also have an understanding of why I am a codependent which is equally valuable to my recovery.
PTSD – just the thought of it freaked me out. I knew I had unresolved issues, but it was so long ago. Beginning CPT for PTSD scared me, a lot. Each appointment caused anxiety and sleepless nights. Reliving the past is hard and doing the homework was difficult, and then I reached a lesson that…
How do I make the most out of my retirement? I’m so used to having a purpose and now I awaken every day and have to think about what I can do.
How do I explain who I am without explaining who I was? LaVelle Olexa pondered this question when she left her job in 2009. She was used to being a Somebody, one of America’s most influential fashion executives.
I make numerous promises to myself and set goals but I cannot seem to keep them. I don’t understand. I can keep my commitments to others but when it comes to keeping them for me, I fail miserably. What can I do to reach my goals and keep my promises? In my coaching practice I…
Dear anxiety, I must admit, you are a formidable opponent. Your fight is strong, your will to steal unyielding and persistent. You are not satisfied with a portion, always hungry for more, thirsty for blood, and greedy for every moment that I am free from your grip. You bubble up in me, surprise me at…
I used to address my husband with two toxic words: “you should.” “You should meet your deadlines.” “You should get that done by Friday.” “You should make a plan.”
Post retirement identity crisis for women isn’t a new concept, it just has a new name. We used to call it “empty nest syndrome”. A mom who steeped her identity into being the mother of demanding little kids suddenly finds herself with “nothing to do”. Who is she now? Who needs her? What is her…
So much has changed since the introduction of the Corona Virus. We at I&A have watched the incidences and intensity of anxiety, fear, and depression skyrocket. Not so much because of the virus itself, but because of the unknown. Because of how people have begun to treat others because of their fear of this virus.…
In Tina Lifford’s book “The Little Book of Big Lies”, she reminds us that we are “never to ignore a person who loves you, and misses you…especially if that person is your Self”. (2019, p. 93) The inner fitness practice to help us begin this life changing behavior is to write your Self an apology.…
What does it mean to be empowered? What keeps you from feeling empowered? How do others seem to be so self-confident? What will it take for you to be a strong decision-maker? What is the secret to becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling your life and a commitment to contentment? Anxiety, depression, angst,…
Many of the clients we have been treating actually claimed to enjoy the quarantine…at first. So many drawers and garages and filing cabinets were being organized. Rooms were being painted and patios pressure washed. Books were being read and movies watched. At first it was fun to experience family in an unhurried way; family dinners,…
In this current COVID-19 environment, we must have strong and powerful principles for navigating through the crisis. What we are witnessing can be seen as panic when people begin to forget their fellow man, the community, and begin to hoard the supplies that we all need. That is just one red flag that should spark…
Why is it so hard to apologize? Why is it so hard to accept and acknowledge responsibility for our words or actions? It takes an emotionally mature and stable person to do just that. To admit wrong, stop blaming circumstances or others and just own our “stuff”. Professor emeritus, Roy Lewicki, of Ohio State University’s…
Dear Shame, I am writing this letter to tell you that it is time to pry your sharp claws out of my brain and sever this unhealthy relationship between you and I. In the past, when I have tried to move away from you, those claws only dug in and caused pain. It was less…
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you’ll get the point… Name the five wealthiest people in the world. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. Name the last five…
Believe it or not, you can be both…right and happy. Ask yourself, what is my attachment to being right? What makes it so important that I would sacrifice my relationship for it? If you have “right” what do you really have? You may have white knuckles and sore fingers from digging in and a relationship…
The very best gift ever is to “Create a life that tickles your soul”. In a book by the same name, Dr. Suzanne Zoglio reminds us that happiness is in our very own hands. Though we have often heard that retort, it seems that we fall into old patterns of blaming others or situations or…
Oprah Winfrey for president? That possibility has caused a stir since last week’s Golden Globe awards, but as viewers of Winfrey’s show for spiritual seekers — “Super Soul Sunday” on her OWN network — know, Oprah will run only if she sets her intention to do so.
Let’s say your boss fires you and your longtime boyfriend dumps you — in the same week. Your life has just left the comfort zone and careened at top speed into the Big Transition Zone.
I&A has just begun a pilot program we are calling TheraFit. (Therapy and Fitness) It was birthed by one of our therapists in her quest to aid in the support of those who suffer with depression and/or anxiety. The premise is that a healthy mind-body agreement is vital to overall mental health and the endorphins…
“You can’t run away from trouble. There ain’t no place that far.” — Uncle Remus, “Song of the South,” 1946. Trouble will always find us. Sometimes, trouble can even be good for us — because disasters, natural or man-made, strip us down to our basic needs and strip away our veneer of crap.
As Hurricane Irma approaches, I have made several observations as people prepare that seem to fit the paradigm for relationships. For example, when the weather person first begins reporting that a storm is coming, people don’t seem to take it to seriously and just listen for more. Then, a few days into it, when the…
The July 17, 2017 FIU Center for Leadership News asks; “Just how contagious is your good mood?” Basically it relates the results of an experiment by Facebook wherein temporary changes to the newsfeeds of 689,000 users omitted negative emotional words and replaced with more positive ones. The results were that the user’s posts mirrored the…
Several years ago I had a couple come into my office for their first session on a Monday. During the course of the initial conversation, they related that they had an appointment with a divorce attorney on Friday. In essence, I had one chance to turn this relationship around! Why is it that people wait…
This great note and gift is from a client whom I saw beginning at age 4. We have been through many phases of his life together and he has fought the good fight and shows his appreciation for it. I often say that as therapists, we are the client’s “GPS†system. We can map out…
This letter was a therapy activity given to a young woman who suffers with anxiety. The assignment was to write a letter to her anxiety. She did such an introspective and well-written job with it that I asked for her permission to share it with you so that you could look at your relationship with…
Every day in my private practice I see couples who complain about their communication skills. They talk about listening, understanding, expressing feelings, too many words, not enough words, withdrawing, aggressive speech, and more. The truth is that most marriages could be improved upon without talking. Yes, I did say without talking. How is that possible?…
“The manipulator holds his prey hostage with accusations of her irrational thinking, because he must always be right and have his own way.”— CONNIE INGRAM, therapist from Royal Palm Beach. If you’re a size 2, but your husband insists you’re too fat, do you believe him?
Christmas has come and gone and the New Year is here. Many people use this as the jumping off point for resolutions for more exercise and less food. More relaxation and less work…more time for relationships and less time spent checking off the “to do list”. What is the promise you have made for self-improvement…
by: Mary Ingram Stasko I strolled up to the counter and I began to browse at the items displayed on the table. The lobby of the convention center was large and crowded and the air was filled with the excited chatter of jubilant participants. It was intermission at a women’s conference. As I began leafing through pages of one…
Why should you be thankful…just because it’s Thanksgiving? I know you hear people who make their list of things to be thankful for because it’s Thanksgiving Day; a sort of obligation, if you will. Did you know that the United States of America hosts the most whiners on the entire planet? Do you know that…
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I once was leading a parenting seminar in which a mom reported that she could not leave the house because her child would not allow her to. She went on to explain how difficult this child made it for her to do anything except show him constant attention. She claimed she could not clean the…
I have recently (since school has been out) had an influx of parents in despair over the fact that their adolescents are of the opinion that the purpose of summer break is for them to relax and catch up on their sleep. Doing chores or helping with other family and household things is an absolute…
Burt Reynolds is a manly man, one of Hollywood’s most macho stars — but he chokes up when he talks about what he loves. At the Palm Beach Book Festival recently, Reynolds didn’t bother holding back the tears when he explained how much he cherishes the hometown friends who have stood by him.
As spring arrives it reminds us that the old has passed away and the new is beginning. In relationships, this is what must happen on a daily basis. Whatever happened yesterday, even God can’t change. Today must be a new day. People sit in my office every day pointing fingers at each other and standing…
This is a question I am often asked in my counseling office. Spouses, girl or boyfriends, friends and family members have committed some act that has caused the offended party to distrust them. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Without it, the relationship is like a house built on the sand. Any wind can…
They’ve graduated from high school and you’ve sent them off to college. They are educated beyond their years and have now entered into the real adult world. They find that like many others in their shoes, they are certifiably credentialed with a degree of some sort and they are now an expert in some field…
Connie Ingram makes her living helping people improve their lives, so you’d think her life just falls into place, right? Actually, the Royal Palm Beach psychotherapist applies as much thought to her own contentment as she does to that of her clients.
One of the most pressing questions parents ask is how to get their child to obey without having to gear up for battle. I usually begin my answer with an analogy that asks the parent “what do you do when a police officer stops you and asks for your driver’s license and registration?” Do you…
According to professional development research women across the country describe their most challenging communication situations and after more than 800 responses were analyzed the winners in the top ten categories are: Confronting or criticizing others Not being taken seriously Feeling self-conscious Dealing with other people’s anger Speaking in front of a group Controlling one’s emotions…
What are we going to do with our lives when our child leaves home? We have spent a large portion of our lives giving, caring, protecting, carpooling, scheduling and teaching. Now what? In the next nine months many young adults will be going off to college. Many parents will be asking; what now? Many parents,…
Cinderella’s wicked stepmother never looked so green. As played by Cate Blanchett in the new “Cinderella” movie, the evil Lady Tremaine wears dresses in every shade of green — from avocado to olive to pistachio.
My father has COPD. He will never be any better than he is today…and today, he is at home in a hospital bed with oxygen strapped to his face every moment of the day. This is prompting my thoughts for this writing. A man who worked his way up in his profession, commanded hundreds of…
If beauty didn’t matter, no one would have noticed Ashley Judd’s puffy face. They certainly would not have sniped about it in such vicious ways that the actress felt compelled to defend both herself and all women in ”the assault on our body image.”
Note to well-meaning wives everywhere: Don’t mother your man. If you’re married to a responsibility-shrugging goofball, state your needs and boundaries clearly and without nagging – then expect your spouse to act like a grownup.
There are people in your life who’ve come and gone, They let you down, You know they hurt your pride. You’d better put it all behind you, babe, ’cause life goes on. You keep carryin’ that anger, It’ll eat you up inside, baby. — Don Henley; The Heart of the Matter; released June 27, 1989
When they announced their divorce, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren asked for privacy for their children because “the weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation.”
It isn’t just people who have lost their jobs who are stressed out these days. It seems like everyone, from the human resource manager who knows layoffs are coming to the single mom who lost half her portfolio, is coming in droves to see area psychiatrists.