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• What does it mean to be empowered?

• What keeps you from feeling empowered?

• How do others seem to be so self-confident?

• What will it take for you to be a strong decision-maker?

• What is the secret to becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling your life and a commitment to contentment?

Anxiety, depression, angst, and fear are among the feelings of those who feel less than empowered.  But those with a high degree of autonomy and self-determination who use those qualities to enable themselves to represent their interests in a self–determined way are listed among those who are empowered.

Empowerment is an attitude of strength. It means leaning into an issue or circumstance that may otherwise be cause for anxiety.   When faced with a negative circumstance, to be empowered means to have the confidence that you can overcome.  Part of this belief is looking at your history.  Most people that come into my office have just such a history.  Though they see life through negative lenses, when I urge them to look at their track record, they can see that though they have had fear, they have leaned into it to gain victory over each circumstance.

A sense of empowerment offers a sense of freedom.  When we are empowered, we are free to embrace the challenges set before us.  We are free to seek support, engage resources, be vulnerable, and experience victory. We are free to have interdependent and healthy relationships.

Case in point:  Several years ago, I had a celebrity client whose profession required he often fly domestically and internationally. He came to me because of his extreme anxiety.  As he explained his plight it was clear that his anxiety was not a fear of flying, but was coming from his sense of lack of control. He explained that his anxiety showed up when the flight attendant was giving instructions about seat belts, tray tables, etc. The answer to his problem was an easy fix. He empowered himself to complete all of the pre-flight passenger requirements BEFORE he was told to do so.

Take a look at what you are able to control…and what you aren’t.  Make decisions for yourself that are within your control rather than fretting and fighting over things that are not.  In another example, I was at my son’s soccer game some years ago.  I was seated on the bleachers and ready for the game to start.  Then, a woman came and sat right in front of me with an open umbrella.  What did I have control over?  In my mind I had 2 choices:  ask her to close her umbrella (which I had no control over) or choose another seat for myself (which I did have control over).

So, I moved my seat.  You may think that I acquiesced.  Perhaps.  But another person who was also blocked by the umbrella sat there and hurled insults at the woman.  That person was not able to enjoy the game and used up a lot of energy being angry.

Empowerment is yours; next time you feel you have no power, look at where you have control and where you don’t before you choose to act.

Many of the clients we have been treating actually claimed to enjoy the quarantine…at first.  So many drawers and garages and filing cabinets were being organized.  Rooms were being painted and patios pressure washed. Books were being read and movies watched.  At first it was fun to experience family in an unhurried way; family dinners, walks, bike rides, board games.  And then, the fun became less and irritability and bored kids ran rampant. People began to lose interest in daily activities, become lethargic, unmotivated and just have an overall sense of malaise.

People became uncertain, anxious, depressed and irritable and began indulging in mindless activities.  Feelings of loneliness and fatigue and reduced intellectual functioning emerged with a vengeance. Thus they began indulging in self-soothing behaviors such as eating and drinking too much, drugging too much, sleeping too much, and “blue screening” too much. Some have put on the “COVID 20” blaming the closing of the gyms. This leaves people accepting these behaviors and feelings as something natural that comes with quarantine. Not so!

The question is what are you going to do about it? Recognizing it is step one.  Recognize that you’ve allowed yourself to believe the myth that you have no control.  Reframe the situation into a positive one in which you have power.  You have the power to exercise, to eat well, to turn off the blue screens, to socialize as is permissible with friends and family, and to get back outside on your bikes and walks.  Attend virtual meetings, take that class you’ve always wanted to take.  Stimulate your mind and avoid the COVID brain fog.  Though some believe that COVID-19 and the resultant quarantine lethargy has lowered their IQ that too is a myth. But you can do it to yourself if you don’t take control.

Get into a routine.  Get out of bed, brush your teeth, shower, eat well and stimulate your mind by learning something new every day. Get outside and get some vitamin D. Try meditation or yoga.  Join a blog. Accomplish a task or take on a project.  Learn to craft.

Take your power back and practice self-care!

In this current COVID-19 environment, we must have strong and powerful principles for navigating through the crisis.

What we are witnessing can be seen as panic when people begin to forget their fellow man, the community, and begin to hoard the supplies that we all need.  That is just one red flag that should spark the 5 principles below:

1. Do No Harm – this is a principle of restraint. Stay home for now, if you can, follow the governmental guidelines and those of your company as well. Keep safety in mind while not panicking and creating anxiety for yourself and others.
2. Make things Better – Rally together to address the unmet developing needs of those around you. Ask yourself, what am I doing to make things better for others during this crisis?  How might this turn out to be beneficial and make a positive difference in my world?  For example, I have had clients and friends be on the “lookout” for products for others in need.
3. Respect Others – With your co-workers, family, and friends, keep your promises, tell the truth and project confidentiality. Be kind.  Case in point:  Just this morning I was at a local grocery (looking for TP for the office) and as I was asking the cashier about delivery of TP the man behind me just interrupted giving his phone number to the cashier.  Not only was that rude, but completely unhelpful in this climate.  We can at least be kind and respectful of those around us.
4. Learn from it – What can be learned from this challenging time? What have you learned about yourself…about those around you?  What attitudes are you spotting?  Are you responding or reacting to the situation?  How can you be more prepared (emotionally) for the next challenge life throws at you?
5. Strengthen your Faith – Take a look at where you place your faith. For example, if it is in the stock market or your employment, just look at how quickly that can change. What can you have faith in that will strengthen your resolve and increase your resiliency?  What are you top 3 values and what is your plan to preserve them curing a crisis?

The bottom line in finding peace during a crisis or any challenging time is to know yourself.  What drives you, what are your strengths and from where –or whom- do you draw that strength?  To use a euphemism from one of my clients, where are you being a “non-grownup” and how will you, instead, lean into the situation with confidence, respect for others, do no harm, make things better and strengthening your faith?

Why is it so hard to apologize?  Why is it so hard to accept and acknowledge responsibility for our words or actions?  It takes an emotionally mature and stable person to do just that.  To admit wrong, stop blaming circumstances or others and just own our “stuff”.

Professor emeritus, Roy Lewicki, of Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business writes that there are 6 components to a good apology:

• Expression of regret
• Explanation of what went wrong
• Acknowledgment of responsibility
• Declaration of repentance
• Offer of repair and
• Request for forgiveness

The more of them that you include, the better your odds of mending or preserving a relationship.

What most people are looking for in an apology is really two things; acknowledgement of responsibility and offer of repair.  The person who can sincerely offer these things is a person who can be trusted.  When people cannot admit wrong they show themselves to be emotionally stunted.  Though we are all broken or wounded in some way, being transparent in our woundedness draws others to us.  For sure, it takes courage to apologize but it augments solid, intimate, real friendships.

Lewicki reminds us that we are so used to hearing political doublespeak that too many words gets in the way of the message of the apology.  As an example, the phrase “I’m sorry if someone was offended by what I said/did” is empty of responsibility and shows neither empathy nor sincerity.

The moral?  As soon as you realize that you’ve hurt someone, apologize sincerely and quickly.  Don’t allow time for the offended party to stew about it making your apology and their ability to accept it less effective.  Clearly own what you did or said, show sincere remorse, ask for forgiveness and offer reparation.